Sometimes, a look through the scrapbook can be a very humbling experience. I resolved this month to finish a project I launched in 1994. At last I am publishing the journal I recorded during my first trip to Europe! For the first time, I am bringing together the forty-two journal entries, my photographs, and the video camera footage that I recorded during my clockwise circuit around the continent. Before you jump right into the journal, though, could I ask you to read a few thoughts?
More time has passed since I wrote that journal (23 years) than I had lived at that point (I was 20 years old). The experiences of the last two decades have certainly left their mark. Since that time, I’ve graduated from two degree programs; I’ve filled my passport with stamps; I’ve built my career in academia; I’ve achieved some level of comfort in finance; I’ve married and divorced. All of these changes make it hard to recognize the person who wrote those entries as the same person writing this blog!
Setting the scene
The David who wrote this journal was experiencing profound discomfort. As a fellow in the University of Arkansas Sturgis Fellows program, I was strongly pushed to spend at least a semester of my junior year abroad. My undergraduate advisor, Doug Rhoads arranged for me to visit the laboratories of Jean-Jacques Madjar at the University of Lyons, where Thierry Masse mentored my project. The fact is that I did not enjoy “wet bench” research, and I was becoming concerned that my Biology degree could equip me for a career I did not want! To complicate the matter further, we never formalized my visa to work in the laboratory for a year-long stretch, and so I needed to leave France well before even a semester had passed. Scheduling this journey through many countries was my fall-back plan, and my mother was working with the University of Arkansas to get a formal plan in place for the spring of 1995. In short, I felt that I was failing in this first real test of applying my academic skills.
If you mainly know me as a globe-trotter who uprooted his career and moved to South Africa, you might be surprised to know that as a young man I disliked travel, and I feared change. Ask the members of Yates Lab how huge a step it seemed to me to move from Seattle, Washington to San Diego, California in the year 2000. I spent six months poring over maps and dawdling over last details in Seattle. To go back further in time, I was always the first member of the family to feel it was time for us to return to Kansas City when our family took long road trips in the summer time. If you read the journal, you will see a David feeling perpetually out of place and coping badly with exhaustion and self-induced malnutrition because I wasn’t willing to spend enough money on food.
The most redundant feature of the journal is that the 20-year-old me was completely agog at the young women I encountered on my travels. Although a disproportionate number of my friends since elementary school have been female, I must say that I was essentially undateable until my mid-twenties. I would summarize by saying that I routinely put women on a pedestal and couldn’t see myself as desirable. This aspect of the journal is high on my list of cringe-inducers.
What should we call the nexus of judgmental, puritanical, dismissive, and obsessed with money? I am reminded in this journal that the person I am today was distilled from common mud. Today I am not immune from these traits, but I do try to improve myself with time. I have been tagged with the label “stubborn” more times than I would like to admit, but I hope that I can manage open-mindedness and respect for others at least from time to time. In particular, I struggled to read the passages I wrote about the Turks in Budapest or the drive-by racism I dumped on Latin culture. At least I realized that smug American chest-thumping was not preferable. My memories of myself from that time have been substantially white-washed, but my text makes it clear I had a long way to go. In my memories of that time, I mostly remember that the international relations scholar from Turkey taught me that a bishop or a castle is generally more reliable than a knight in the chess end-game.
From 1994 to now
Travel in Europe today is considerably simpler than it was in 1994. Moving from country to country is considerably easier because of the Schengen agreement that eliminates customs at borders between countries and the Economic and Monetary Union that makes the Euro the only currency you need for much of the continent. The traveler’s checks that fueled my travel are not needed in Europe; instead, you feed your bank card into an ATM, and out pops money. My single telephone call home from Vienna would be likely replaced today by Skype; I could use my phone or computer in the WiFi of any hostel to chat right away with folks at home.
I wrote my journal narrative in a spiral-bound notebook, and I kept strict accounts of every franc, Deutschmark, schilling, crown, etc. in a separate small notebook, both of which I acquired while living in Lyon. I was very fond of Pilot rolling ball pens at the time, and so each page is filled with cramped blue writing.
While my parents used 35mm slide cameras to capture my early years, I carried a 126 film cartridge camera made by Vivitar with me to Europe. As you will see, many of the images I mention never made it to print when I developed those films, and the term “focus” does not really apply. In three cases, I used Microsoft’s Image Composite Editor to stitch together multiple photos into a single panorama.
Computer video has come quite some distance since 1994. I originally recorded the video on an analog Sharp “Video8” camera. When I subsequently upgraded to a miniDV camera, I was able to transfer the video from the old camera to a new one via an S-video cable; this process recorded the video in a digital format on the new tape. I was able to transfer that digital video without loss to a desktop computer with a FireWire card. To deinterlace and compress the section of video I’ve posted to YouTube, I used the “yadif” filter of FFMPEG:
ffmpeg.exe -ss 00:00:09 -i input.avi -vf yadif -t 00:45:05 -c:v libx264 -preset slow output.mov
With those comments in place, I hope you enjoy reading the journal, a project 23 years in the making!